I headed out the door to the hospital and yelled back to Eric I’ll be right back.
In my mind I was thinking I’m not coming home without her.
Thirteen weeks. Thirteen weeks of scrubbing-in surgical style, of gowns, monitors, hovering nurses, doctors, pumping & pumping & pumping.
They kept telling us that we were being so patient. That she would turn a corner any day just like her brother did and then she could go home. And she did turn a corner. A few times.
She was supposed to come home last Thursday. Then it was pushed to this Thursday, then Saturday, then Sunday. I called for the verdict on Sunday morning and broke into tears when they said no. She’d had a Brady, down to 86, and needed stimulation to recover.
I went and got dressed, put on my game face and was about to pack up Quinn and Rhys for church when I felt like I needed to go to the hospital and go get my little girl.
It didn’t fully make sense.
I trust the doctors, I’ve listened to their counsel and followed their guidelines from day one. Because I wanted my babies healthy and strong. And because that was part of the counsel I received in the priesthood blessing given to me while in labor. To heed the counsel of the doctors because they were doing what was best for my babies.
But today I had the feeling that they were wrong and that it was time for Mama Dub to go get her little bird.
So that’s what I did.
I walked into the NICU and looked over her chart. I read all of the notes about her Brady’s and the ‘mild’ stimulation that was ‘needed’ to help her recover. There wasn’t much there. I asked for the doctor to come talk to me and I listened intently as she recounted what I had just read.
And then we just talked. She told me her ‘plan'; that she wanted to take Avery off of all monitors and just observe her for another five days.
We talked some more. I threw out the idea of sending me home with a monitor. She was on board with that plan but the lady who makes those phone calls was out until Tomorrow so that still wasn’t going to get her home today. The doctor then offered to take her off of all monitors and observe her for two days. If I gave them 48 hours I wouldn’t have to go home with a monitor.
I settled at 48 hours. Tuesday morning at 10am I would be there. Packed and ready to go.
I put her back in her crib and ran out to the car to get the cooler of breast milk I had left there. I texted Eric and let him know the plan. 48 hours and she would be home. He text back with a ‘wahoo, we have a date!’. But it still didn’t sit well with me. Something was screaming at me that I needed to take her home today. So I texted back ‘yeah, but it’s not good enough‘.
So I went back in and sat down with the doc, again. I told her this wasn’t sitting well with me and that we needed to talk it through some more. I voiced my concerns and frustrations. I voiced the fact that Rhys had done almost the exact same things as Avery and yet he got to leave. I pointed out the fact that she was okay with Avery being off of monitors and that she could be off of monitors at home just fine.
Then it was the doctor’s turn. She voiced all of her concerns, worries and frustrations. She reiterated the fact that while, yes, she would be off of monitors, that she would also have constant care from a room full of nurses. That they could control the situation should they need to. I agreed, I understood, but it still wasn’t right.
And then, she offered to go make a call. She would call the head doctor, and a few other people to see what they all had to say. To hear what their thoughts on the matter were. To see if this one brady was going to hold her here or if they would let her come home.
Twenty minutes later she came back and told me that Avery was going home.
My heart and stomach did a back flip.
Home! We were going home!
I brought home the missing piece of my heart yesterday.
Quinn met his sister for the first time yesterday.
We juggled two babies for the first time last night.
And today. I am exhausted. In the best way possible.
I’m taking the rest of September off. I’ll see you all back here next week.