My heart is hurting right now.
My parents live so far away and all I want is to hold them right now. I want to put my arms around my father’s neck and kiss his cheek. Tell him that I love him and that he will be okay, no matter what happens.
Because there is more. More to this life than we know and can understand. More to His plan for every single one of us. He knows our callings and our desires and he guides and directs us as He see’s fit. I need to remember this too. I need to remember that it is not my plan, but His.
This day has been a roller-coaster of emotions. The twins had their six month check-up where I saw and heard how well they are doing and how they truly are my little miracles. Their weight gain is steady and on par with ‘normal’ six month old babies. Their height is on the upper end and their heads are dead on. It’s as if they started this life without any complications at all. As if their bodies and minds are meant to be the age they are instead of three months behind.
Miracles.
I hate the last part of the doctors visit, the shots. The part where they rip my heart out by making my babies cry out in physical pain. It’s almost too much to bear.
The hubs and I had a date tonight. A real date.
I dressed up complete with leggings, sexy boots, a long tunic and make-up. I even did my hair, which he noticed and complimented – give the man a gold star! We went to dinner, flirted and took a romantic stroll down the plaza. He even indulged me when I stopped to touch and smell the amazing scarfs in the little boutique on the corner.
It was perfect.
When we got home my dad called. I love talking to my dad, but I could tell something was wrong by the tone of his voice. He wasn’t his happy jovial self, he was too melancholy.
He told me he’d gone to the doctor today and had been told he has prostate cancer.
Cancer. I hate that word.
It leaves a sick taste in my mouth and an empty pit in my belly.
There will be more tests and possibly radiation and as I sit here writing this I have tears streaming down my face.
It’s not your plan Kelly, it’s His.
– – –
When I look at Avery I see my dad. She is my mini me, and I am my mini dad.
xoxo